March 3, 2023

Marriage, Personal

20 Lessons I’ve Learned Over 20 Years of Marriage

mountain inspired his and hers vows book with wedding rings
Created by Ali Coşkunfrom the Noun Project

Indio courthouse wedding photos 2003

Twenty years ago, Randy and I stood in front of the world’s grumpiest officiant, and made certain promises to each other.

To love, to honor, to cherish.

For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.

Randy dropped the ring with his nervous hands (literally seconds after my dad told him not to drop the ring!), and it broke the tension. We laughed, we kissed. We were married.

And in the blink of an eye, twenty years has passed. The other day, I was at a shoot in California and I mentioned it was my twentieth wedding anniversary this weekend, and my clients were blown away that I could be married that long. She asked if I got married in middle school, it was pretty funny. 🤣

But … That’s what happens when you meet your soul mate as kids and get married at 19. 😍

The last twenty years have been filled with so many experiences, many of which I have shared here on my blog the last thirteen years. To celebrate this momentous event, I thought it would be fun to share 20 lessons I’ve learned over 20 years of marriage with you guys!


20 Lessons I’ve Learned Over 20 Years of Marriage

  1. God is good, all the time.
  2. Make love often (side note: order this book right now! Sheet Music by Kevin Leman… official review to come SOON!) *affiliate link*
  3. Don’t leave the house or go to bed angry.
  4. Apologize and forgive. Especially the latter.
  5. Learn each other’s Love Language and take care to speak it, often. *affiliate link*
  6. Give the gift of experiences over actual gifts sometimes. People have enough stuff and not enough memories.
  7. Honor your spouse: do not talk badly about them to others, even with your girlfriends and your mom.
  8. Little things add up to big things.
  9. Never underestimate how important it is to continue to date.
  10. Learn to compromise, you can’t have your way all the time.
  11. You’re going to be wrong sometimes – appreciate your spouse’s point of view, opinion, education and experience.
  12. Remember you’re a team: parent together, make big decisions together. God brought you together for a reason.
  13. Talk about money, savings, bills and large expenses.
  14. Think before you speak.
  15. Let your spouse know you’re thinking about them in little ways – bring home flowers for no reason, make their favorite meal when you know they’ve had a long day, that sort of thing.
  16. Intimacy is not just about sex.
  17. Be each other’s best friend, biggest supporter and confidante.
  18. Communication is absolutely, unequivocally vital.
  19. Never make assumptions.
  20. Marriage is not 50-50. It’s 100% from both of you, all day, every day.

20 Lessons I've Learned Over 20 Years of Marriage


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