It’s been a rough couple of days around here.

My BIL had a seizure a few days ago and it’s affected his speech and memory even more than it already was. This is the same brother who was diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer last Thanksgiving, he’s the reason we dropped everything and moved to Georgia. His diagnosis was the huge prompt in our lives to change the way we are choosing to spend our time.

If I can be honest – I don’t know how to be there for Randy during this season. On one hand, I desperately want to shield him from this hurt but on the other hand, I want him to fully embrace the remaining time we have left for Ricky. Every day is unknown, some days are good and some are so gutwrenchingly terrible that it’s hard to cope.

It’s so hard to mourn someone who is still alive, as awful as that is to articulate.

Ricky has been Randy’s best friend since the day Randy was born, almost 36 years ago. I don’t know what’s closer than brothers, but that’s what they are.

Ricky and his family are moving up here to Georgia from their house in Florida in just a couple of weeks, which I’m so grateful for – even though it’s a little stressful, having them 9 minutes away instead of nearly 2 hours is literally the only thing that’s making this situation remotely bearable.

I’m sorry if I’m quiet on social lately – I want to post and want to engage, but this whole situation just has me emotionally spent. Everything else seems stupid in comparison – trying to remember to post, figuring out captions, making pretty cohesive imagery to brand myself.

I honestly just don’t care about any of that shit right now.

So bare with me while I spend some extra time with my family and on myself, rather than trying to keep up the brave face on social.