Being Present Is a Gift | Our Day Adventure to Eureka Peak

Yesterday, we just HAD to get out of the house. After being trapped on our “Chicken Pox Vacation” the last week or so, we were all going a bit stir-crazy and yesterday, pretty much all our chicken pox has gone away (thankyoubabyJesus), and we decided to take a little adventure. Living in the desert and so close to Joshua Tree National Monument, there are all kinds of trails and good times to be had off-roading. One of our favorite trails leads right to Eureka Peak, which has one of the most gorgeous views of the Mount San Jacinto and the Coachella Valley on one side, and the high desert on the other side.

So why am I sharing this adventure with you? Because I left my camera at home. Sure, I had my cell phone … here’s a couple shots I got, too!

Sure, I can sit here and think “oh God, the sky is totally overexposed in our picture and the highlights make the top of Randy’s head float away into oblivion” or nitpick about the amount of grain my iPhone camera has even in full-sun, or how the shot of the kids would have looked so awesome at f/1.4 to show the valley behind them in bokeh, or a myriad of other technical mumbo-jumbo that makes the photographer in me cringe about these photos.

But you know what? I don’t actually care about the technical qualities of these photos.

Wait … what?!?

That’s right. I don’t care (too much). Because I was able to be present with my kids. I was able to have fun with Daniel, as he screamed “I’M ON TOP OF THE WORLD!!” on top of a rock, on top of Eureka Peak. For that moment, maybe he WAS on top of the world. And I was right there with him.

I think as photographers, especially us mom photographers – we don’t cut ourselves enough slack. I put so much pressure on myself to make sure I’m documenting every little moment – and truth be told, with four kids – it can be overwhelming. In fact, I still haven’t done Noah’s 6 year photos because I just haven’t had time to do it, yet (it IS on my to-do list this week though!). When it was Noah’s birthday last week, I didn’t even use my “big” camera – I took a few cell phone shots and a video with it, so I could send it to my mom and dad (who couldn’t be with us, due to our quarantine status). I remember feeling this twinge of guilt because I’m not capturing his photos with 36 megapixels. I thought, gosh, if Rachel Vanoven (one of my all-time favorite newborn + family photographers) is constantly taking photos of her kids (including her foster kids) – why aren’t I? I must be sucking as a mom-tographer here.

But I need to remember something:

My PRESENCE is a GIFT.

Not just to my kids, but to myself.  I know all-too-well that childhood goes by in the blink of an eye. I don’t want to be working with my kids.

When I’m working – I’m WORKING. I’m in The Zone, I shoot everything in manual with my camera – I need to make sure it’s just right from white balance to aperture, to deliver quality images that my brides and grooms can treasure forever. But my family isn’t paying me; they aren’t expecting me to deliver a gorgeous album of their life when they turn 18 (although, come to think of it – what a cool gift that would be!). They want me to be present, to enjoy the moments and sing happy birthday and stand on top of the world with them.

So, for now, I’m okay with cell phone photos. I’m not going to beat myself up that I don’t have hundreds of “big camera” shots of my kids, because I’m actually there with them. I’m outside playing with them, I’m watching movies with them, and I’m purposely being present with them. And I’m okay with hiring someone to take our photos – in fact, we have our first California shoot scheduled in 3 weeks with my dear friend Katie McGihon (and I’m sooooo excited!).

I’m just going to sit back, enjoy summer and if I get some “big camera” shots in, great. If not, I’ll continue having fun and snapping shots as we go with our “baby” camera or our phones … and I’ll enjoy the moment.